HS 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, 



Chap......... Copyright No,., 

Shelf_„.„.__„. 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



C 'I 



'^Wilario lociii^di 



Jk MOTHER qOOSE FALLAL. 



BY 

Helen m. carpenter. 



f 




/^ 



ilario 



ocundi 



A MOTHER GOOSE FALLAL, 



THIS 



Is especially for women, but is adapted to the use of 
all Societies and Lodges. 



Helen N[V 






'ni 






SAN FRANCISCO: 

George Spaulding & Co., Printers, 414 Clay St., 

1896 



-'-■^^"^^1^' 



HSis-e 
.Ob 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1895, by 

Helen M. Carpenter, 
in the Office of the lyibrarian of Congress, at Washington. 



^ OFFICERS, AND THEIR STATIONS. 



\ Mother Goose (Patron Saint) On floor in front, of 
^ presiding officer. 

Royal Arch Raz-me-Taz, Presiding Officer. 

Secunda Raz 0pp. R. A. Raz-me-Taz. 

Bogy Bamboozler Right of Hall. 

Celestial Censor Left of Hall. 

ScRiBEO Inky Waxy Secretary. 

Sine Rhino Treasurer. 

Sagacious Scout Right of Mother Goose. 

Primus Piloticus Left of Mother Goose. 

Medico Examicus Right of R. A. R. 

SusTAiNER . .Left of R. A. R. 

Right and Left Hodge -Podge, Right and Left of 

Secunda Raz. 

Riff-Raff Rustlers (4 in number) R. & L. of Bogy 
B. and R. & L. of Celestial C. 

Porter OF THE Portcullis, Inside Doorkeeper. 

Master of the Moat Outside Doorkeeper. 

Great Scott 



Gee Whiz ' Assistants. 

Pilgrim A Gentleman. 



COSTUMES. 

Black dresses. Capes of black calico, two yards 
of goods, gathered three inches from the selvage 
edge, to make ruffle around the neck. 18 inches in 
center left ungathered, to make hood effect in the' 
back. Black mortar-boards, 8 inches square. 



AKRANGEMENT OF ALTAR AND TABLES. 

Altar and tables all to be draped in black, ar- 
ranged so that one corner of the cloth may be turned 
up to cover the decorations. On altar in center of 
the room, two skulls of animals, cross bones, and 
four lighted candles. 

Table in froi;it of R. A. R., two candles and large 
book. 

Secunda Raz, two candles and shepherd's crook. 

Bogy B., very long bone or rib. 

Celestial C, Rope with noose. 



ACCESSORIES. 

19 Carving knives of wood, covered with gilt paper. 
6 Tin horns. 8 Candles. 2 Skulls of animals. 
1 Long spare-rib or bone. 1 Shepherd's crook. 
6 Feet of rope, with noose. 
1 Grindstone— -dry one if possible. 
1 Pair of large pincers. 

1 Small long-handled broom for Mother Goose. 
Large Kettle, suspended by chain, pole for carrying 

kettle. 
Pieces of sponge saturated with alcohol for flame. 
1 Pair of tongs, legs painted red half their length. 
For Riff-raflfs, 4 banners, outlined in charcoal — 
No. 1, Whisky flask and glass. 
No. 2, Lady smoking cigar. 
No. 3, Bandaged head and arm in sling. 
No. 4. Large rooster. 

or, if preferred, use emblems, — 
No. 1, Whisky jug and glass. 
No. 2, Very large, real cigars. 
No. 3, Pair of boxing gloves on hands. 
No. 4, Chinese toy rooster. 
Sham goat on wheels may be made very ludicrous, 
and is a great addition to the ceremony, but can be 
dispensed with. 



DIRECTIONS FOR MARCH. 

Mother Goose, leader, followed by the others in 
the order in which they are named. {All carry 
knives in right hand, laid across the heart,) 

Royal A. R., Medico E. and Sustainek, three 
abreast. 

Secunda R., Hodge Podges, three abreast. 

Bogy B., Riff-raffs, three abreast. 

Celestial C, Riff-raffs, three abreast. 

ScRiBEO I. W., Sine R. 

Primus P., Sagacious S. 

All enter from ante-room, march to center of room, 
form a wheel around altar, turn one and one-half 
times around. Mother Goose goes to station, fol- 
lowed by Royal A. R., Medico E. and Sustainer. 
Others turn until opposite stations, and march to 
places, Reviaining four up center floor to places. 
Remain standing. 

Royal Arch Raz-me-taz. Sagacious Scout, di- 
rect the guards to give the salutation of this degree. 

Sagacious Scout. Guards of the Royal Arch 
Raz-me-taz, of the Daughters of Hilario Jocundi, 



8 

salute. {All flourish knives three times above the head^ 
dropping the hand to the side with a thwack. Answered 
by H. A. R. by laying knife across the heart. All are 
seated, ) 

Royal A. R. Officers and Guards of the Daugh- 
ters of Hilario Jocundi, we are assembled for the 
purpose of worshiping at the shrine of our patron 
saint, Mother Goose, and we hope the lessons of 
thrift, loyalty, grit, frugality and humbleness, as 
taught here, may be riveted on your minds and 
glued to the rest of your earthly existence. Scribeo 
Inky AVaxy, call the roll of officers. 

Scribed I. W. 

Mother Goose. 
Royal Arch Raz-me-taz. 
Secunda Raz. 
Bogy Bamboozler. 
Celestial Censor. 
Scribeo Inky Waxy. 
Sine Rhino. 
Sagacious Scout. 
Primus Piloticus. 
Medico Examicus. 



9 

SUSTAINER. 

Hodge Podge {both ansiver). 
Eiff-Raff Rustlers {all answer). 
Porter of the Portcullis. 
Master of the Moat. 
Great Scott. 
Gee Whiz. 
The roll is called. Royal Arch Raz-me-taz. 

Royal A. R. Now that our work may be done 
in a manner befitting the Daughters of Hilario, let 
our altars be put in readiness. 

(Music begins. Riff-Raffs march in straight lines 
from position to center floor, face R. A. R., salute^ 
ansivered by R. A. R. Those on right march to 
Bogy B., left to Celestial C. Simultaneously knives 
are raised in the air and crossed, being held in posi- 
tion ivhile bone and rope are unveiled. Back to center 
of room, salute, march to places. Hodge P., without 
leaving station, salute, and uncover table of Secunda 
Raz; Medico E. and 8 vstai^n eh, ditto table of R.A.R. 
Sagacious S. and Primus P. march to center table, 
and in like manner salute, uncover decorations, salute, 
march to place. Music ceases. Violent ringing of 
bell is heard in ante-room.) 



10 

KoYAL A. R. Sagacious Scout, there is an alarm 
at the drawbridge; order out the guards at once, and 
ascertain the cause of this continuous commotion. 

Sagacious S. Guards of the Royal Arch, Raz- 
me-taz, of the Daughters of Hilario Jocundi, for- 
ward, march! 

(S. S. and P. P. lead off doivn hall right and left, 
fast hippity-hop, Riff-Raffs and Hodge P. fall in 
line as they pass. Two lines meetat lower end of hall, 
two and tivo to center, separate, forming a line across 
hall; halt, salute, cast off down outside of room; retire 
in single file at double quick. Enter two and two, to 
center, separate as before, and form line, salute. 
S. S. steps forward and addresses R. A; R.) 

Sagacious S. Royal Arch Raz-me-taz, a pilgrim 
on the journey of life stands beyond the moat, and 
begs that he may cross the drawbridge, that the 
portcullis of this order will be raised to receive him, 
and that he may be instructed in the risabilistic 
roustabout teachings of our order. 

R. A, R. It is well; disperse the guards. 

S. S. Guards, disperse. 



11 

R. A. R. Primus Piloticus, retire and bring the 
pilgrim to our presence; but remember well your 
obligation, and admit not an enemy, else your head 
shall pay the penalty. 

(P. P. TfMres; soon there is violent knocking at the 
inner door.) 

PoKTER OF THE PoKTCULLis {opening wicket). 
What means this rousing rumpus, and who pounds 
on the portcullis? 

Primus P. A patient Primus Piloticus, with a 
plodding pilgrim who is looking for learning and 
light. 

(Porter of P. walks to position in front of Se- 
CUNDA Raz and blows horn. Two Riff-r's nearest 
lower end of hall go to center floor , face Porter of P., 
place small end of horn to ear in listening attitude, 
while P. OF P. speaks through large end of horn.) 

Porter of P. A pious Primus Piloticus, with a 
poetic pilgrim who is brainy and bright. 

(Riff-r's face about, blow horns; other Riff-r's go 
to center floor, in similar manner receive from, both 
Riffs the following:) 



12 

Riff-r's. a piratical Primus Piloticus, with a 
pugnacious pilgrim who is fuming for a fight. 

(Riff-r's No. 2, turn, sound the alarrrij and com- 
municate to Royal A. R., ivho uses trunnpet same as 
others. ) 

Riff-r's. a pandering Primus Piloticus, with a 
puny pilgrim who is learning to ride a bike. 

Royal A. R. {to Riff-r's). His learning we ap- 
prove — alas! how many lack it. (Authoritatively) 
Let the pilgrim in. 

Riff-r's (to Riff-r's No. 1). Remove the rusty 
racket, if we've got to let him in. 

Riff-r's (to Porter of P.) We'll approve if 
money backs it. Do you think he's got the tin? 

(Riff-r's go to seats; Porter of P. admits Primus 
P. and pilgrim, who march around the room during 
the singing of ode.) 

Ode. (Air, One More River to Gross.) 
A pilgrim from the outer world 

Is slowly passing by; 
He seeks admission to the Lodge 

Of Hilario Jocundi — 

Hilario lario li, Hilario lario li — 
He seeks admission to the Lodge 

Of Hilario Jocundi. 



13 

Now pilgrim pause while yet you may, 

Ere your vow is sealed on high; 
For here alone the faithful live, 

And here the traitors die — 

Die die die, and here the traitors die — 
For here alone the faithful live 

In Hilario Jocundi. 

(Primus P., ivith pilgrim, halts in front of IR,. A, IR,) 

Primus P. Royal Arch Raz-me-taz, I bring to 
you a pilgrim, who, having safely crossed the draw- 
bridge and entered the portcullis of our order, would 
like still further to investigate the labyrinths of our 
noble structure. 

R. A. R. {addresses Med. Exam.) Medico Exam- 
icus, before this pilgrim proceeds further into our 
order, will you kindly give us the benefit of your 
skill and learning? — without which the physical 
fabric of this order would fall *' as flat as flax.^' 

Medico Examicus. I will. (Primus P. seats pil- 
grim in P. P.^s chair.) Ah-e-m — h-e-m {looking 
pilgrim in the eye). Were you ever exposed to 



14 

Ecchymosis? {Pilgrim stares,) Were you ever ex- 
posed to Ecchymosis? I mean, did you ever Lave a 
black eye? 

Pilgrim. Is that it now? 

Med. Ex. (thumping head of pilyrim). Did you, 
in infancy or later on in life, have Eucephelon? 
{Pilgrim stares, and question is repeated very impa- 
tiently.) In other words, have you ever been 
troubled with brains? 

Pilgrim. Why didn't you say so in the first 
place? 

Med. Ex. Put out your tongue, please. (Holds 
tongue tvith pincers while questions are asked and 
answered, ) Have you felt any tendency to gustatory 
loquacity? 

Pilgrim. Kather, I think. 

Med. Ex. Or indications of lapsus linguea? 

Pilgrim. Y-e-s no. 

(Pincers are removed. Pilgrim is told to rise, 
Med, Ex. strikes PiL^s chest several hard blows with 
pincers — a tin pan is concealed there — listens and 
strikes again,) 



15 

Med. Ex. Royal Arch Raz-me-taz, I find him 
sounds as a bell. {Retires to place.) 

(Primus P., with pilgrim, marches to position at 
altar, facing R. A. R., while all sing — 

(Air: Chorus, ^* Little Alabama Coon,^^) 

He is safely through the teething season, 

Through with scarlet fever and the mumps. 
Whooping-cough, chicken-pox, everything in reason. 

And his mother says he never has the dumps. 

R. A. R. Pilgrim, have you been hoodwinked, 
pressed or shanghaied through our portals? 

Pilgrim. I have not. 

R. A. R. Do you come here of your own free 
will? 

Pilgrim. I do. 

R. A. R. Here you will find your path beset with 
difficulties. The roses have all been plucked for 
the Fabiola fete, and only thorns remain (sighs). 
The milk and bee honey, of which we once had 
oodles, has all been gobbled up by the Half Million 
Cluh (sighs). The light that once shone on our 
walk of life, as a radiant lightning bug, has been 



16 

blown out by the city fathers, and in the conse- 
quent darkness, with only a post-office site, we are 
unable to see ourselves as others see us. {All weep, 
use handkerchiefs,) [Instead of the foregoing, any 
local grievances may be introduced.] In the face 
of this exhaustive dissertation upon our trials and 
afflictions, do you still wish to proceed? 

Pilgrim. I do. 

R. A. E. Have a care; I give you warning, 
none but the faithful are permitted to live here. 

Primus P. Behold {tapping skull with knife) all 
that remains of him who kept not his obligation 
{groans) f and her {tapping other skull), who kept 
not her plighted faith. {Groans and weeping,) 

R. A. R. The faithless must contemplate death; 
there is no alternative. With this know^ledge of 
our Order, do you still wish to unite with us? 

Pilgrim. I do. 

{All the officers rise and march to altar , forming 
circle around altar, Pilgrim and Primus P. Join 
hands, holding knives perpendicularly. Circle to left 
while singing altar ode, music and movement ceases 
ivhile Pilgrim answers, ) 






17 
Altar Ode. (Air, Miss Jinny McJones,) 

Oh pilgrim from the world of sin — 

The world of sin, 

The world of sin — 
Oh pilgrim from the world of sin. 
Do you know where you're at ? 

Pilgrim. I think so. 

You've come to take a solemn pledge — 

A solemn pledge, 

A solemn pledge — 
You've come to take a solemn pledge, 
And wear it in your hat. 

And now this pledge you'll have to keep — 

You'll have to keep, 

You'll have to keep — 
And now this pledge you'll have to keep, 
Do you remember that ? 

Pilgrim. I do. 

You'd better look before you leap — 

Before you leap, 

Before you leap — 
You'd better look before you leap. 
And know where you are at. 



18 

{Last verse repeated softly , while all niarch to seats 
except R. A. E. and Sustainer, ivho go to altar,) 

R. A. R. Primus Piloticus, place the pilgrim in 
position to receive the obligation {pilgrim kneels). 
Put your chin upon the altar, with the left thumb 
upon the right heel, and repeat after me — 

Obligation. 

In the presence of the Daughters of Hilario Joc- 

undi, I, , solemnly promise that no power 

on earth can compel me to tell my wife or my 
mother-in-law any of my forethoughts, after- 
thoughts or meditations, either prior, previous or 
antecedent, nor succeeding or subsequent to enter- 
ing this degree. 

I furthermore promise that I will not become 
riotously rampant if my socks are undarned, but 
do it myself. My voice shall never be heard de- 
nouncing tidies and pillow-shams; and though my 
fare should be cold baked potatoes, no word of 
praise in behalf of my mother's cooking will I 
utter. '^ Mum's the word.'' 



I 



19 

R. A. R. Primus Piloticus, present this pilgrim 
to the Secunda Raz for instruction in the desirable 
qualification of thrift. (R. A. R., Med. E., Sus- 
TAINER go to seats.) 

Primus P. I bring a pilgrim who seeks instruc- 
tion at this shrine. 

Secunda Raz. 

Were I a poetaster, I'd indite 
An ode bucolic to the shepherdess Bo Peep; 

But failing that, the story I'll recite 
Of the bamboozled maid who raised sebacious sheep. 

According to the ridiculous rhymer Mother Goose, 
Bo Peep was a shadowy shepherdess who flourished 
during the previous portion of the seventh century. 
She made a limited living by raising sebacious 
sheep. As there were few fences in the commence- 
ment of her chimerical career, she wisely and war- 
ily watched her silly, sappy sheep to keep them 
from straying. In spite of her constant care, small 
subdivisions of lovely little lambs wandered away 
and were lost for divers days. When they were 
found, oh! sad to relate, they were mostly minus 
their caudal concomitants. 



20 

When a gifted genius invented and introduced 
barbed-wire fencing, Bo Peep invested the whole of 
her conglomerated capital in a sufficiency to sur- 
round her pastoral plantation, after which she 
heaved a satisfying sigh of relief, thinking her 
trials and tribulations were eternally ended, but 
they were only contumaciously commenced, for her 
simple sheep were constantly caught on the bristling 
barbs, which inflicted woful wounds and robbed 
them of frightful fragments of their fascinating 
fleeces; and when the sorry sheep were shorn, the 
small segregated sections were sold for so little 
(owing to wool being put on the free list) as to ever 
after prove a maddening memory. Thus ends the 
sorrowful story as related by the ridiculous rhymer 
Mother Goose. 

The racy romancer Dame Rumor, of more 
recent renown, relates that she rallied and took 
advantage of the bankrupt law, after which she 
invested the small sum realized from the sale 
of her ill-fated flock in gregarious goats, being 
aware that many goats were annually used up in 



' 



21 

initiating curious candidates (like the one now in 
tow) into legalized lodges and obnoxious orders. 
The tariff could not affect the price of gregarious 
goats. 

Bo Peep soon realized that she had made an 
expedient exchange, for her goats flourished and 
grew fat on a delectable diet of circumjacent cans, 
slippery shrubs and other ludicrous luxuries. In 
consequence of said diet they were thoroughly 
tough, and we are incidentally informed that her 
goats could carry more calculating candidates 
through the obligatory ordeal than could the goats 
of any other shepherdess of that day. They were 
in daily demand, and Bo Peep actually acquired a 
capacious competence and lived in legitimate lux- 
ury the rest of her longevitous life. 

This is the superlatively suppositious story of Bo 
Peep, as related by the ridiculous rhymer Mother 
Goose, supplemented by the racy romancer Dame 
Rumor, and from her example we are taught that 
with wool on the free list, gregarious goats may 
prove more profitable property than sebacious 
sheep. 



22 

The sign of this degree is given by placing the 
shepherd's crook around the neck of a confiding v 
candidate, after which he will be asked a quizzical 
Quixotic question. Primus Piloticus, you will 
exemplify. 

(P.P. leads pilgrim ivith crook about the neck around 
the altar and hack to S. Raz.) 

S. Raz. Are you afraid of goats? 

Pilgrim. Yes, I am. 

S. Raz. Primus Piloticus, present this pilgrim 
to Sine Rhino for instruction in loyalty. 

Primus P. Sine Rhino, by order of the Secunda 
Raz, I present this pilgrim for instruction in the 
€ommendable virtue of loyalty. ; 

Sine Rhino. Simple Simon is a pseudonym . 
conferred upon a noted lawyer, whose sterling in- 
tegrity and law-abiding principles won for him 
this soubriquet. When tired of the responsibilities 
of life, and longing for recreation, he and Jonah 
and other noted rimrods found amusement in ang- 
ling in the mountain streams of their native land. 
Jonah's catch proving larger than his companions' 



23 

was the cause of much valuable time being spent 
in this invigorating diversion. 

This continuous fishing so depleted the streams 
of their finny tribes that King Agrippa issued an 
edict prohibiting fishing for trout, or anything 
smaller than whale. Simon was sorely grieved 
when informed of the King's manifesto, but the 
pure principles of honesty and loyalty, which were 
instilled in his youth, gave him backbone never 
before nor since found in one of the profession, and 
not only made him law-abiding, but won for him 
spondulics and lasting memory in song and verse. 

When a desire to angle surged through his soul 
and stirred every fibre of his anatomy, he made 
an inward application of opodeldoc, and resign- 
edly seating himself on a three-legged stool (this 
stool has recently been recovered from the ruins 
of Pompeii), sozzled his line in his ma's water- 
pail, and, strange to relate, caught as many fish as 
most sportsmen of the present day. When the 
King heard of the loyalty of Simple Simon and 
his long-suflfering in consequence of the fish act, his 



24 

heart was touched, and he made restitution by 
dubbing him Wollopy-woo of the Sahnagundi 
Sportsman's Club. 

This is the lesson of loyalty as taught by the 
angler Simple Simon. The sign of this degree is 
given with the little finger of either hand de- 
scribing a fish hook, thus {making sign) , smd signi- 
fies that small fry is equally as good as whale. 
Primus Piloticus, present this pilgrim to the 
Scribeo Iky Waxy for instruction in the desirable 
attribute of grit. 

Primus P. Scribeo Inky Waxy, I bring this 
pilgrim for instruction in grit. 

Scribeo Inky Waxy. My friend, your desire 
to pursue the rugged path that leads to the top 
round of this degree gives ample testimony of your 
capabilities, and it is with pleasure that I unfold 
to you the beautiful lesson of grit, as taught in our 
ritual. That noted book, to which we make such 
frequent reference, tells us of the man who 
^'jumped into a bramble bush and scratched out 



25 

both his eyes.'' The historian has left us in the 
dark so far as the. name of this wonderfully wise 
personage is concerned, but his valor and intrepid 
grit will be handed down from generation to gen- 
eration. The gigantic will-power which enabled 
him to perform such a ^' non compos mentis '' feat 
is worthy of your deepest consideration. But the 
heroism of this noted man, when he found his eyes 
were out, surpasses our liveliest imagination. It 
is authentically stated that, with true grit, he 
jumped into another bush and scratched them in 
again — thus not only restoring his sight, but in- 
scribing on his coat-of-arms ^^Similia Similibus 
Curantur." Primus Piloticus, place the pilgrim 
in position to receive the test of this degree, after 
which present him to the Bogy Bamboozler for 
further instruction. 

(Primus P. leads pilgrim around the room. Great 
Scott and Gee Whiz, in long black robes, enter, 
bearing grindstone; walk once around the room, fol- 
lowed by P.P. and pilgrim. Halt in front of Se- 
CUNDA Raz station. Pilgrim facing center of room, 
places nose to grindstone, which is to be turned rap- 



26 

idly, A piece of steel may be dextrously held on stone 
to make a noise and sparks of fire. P. P. holds knife 
perpendicularly above pilgrim^ s neck. Lights turned 
doivn, Next to Bogy B/s station,) 

Primus P. Bogy Bamboozler, I bring a pilgrim 
who has had a practical lesson in grit. Will you 
now indoctrinate the praiseworthy practice of fru- 
gality? 

Bogy B. Sixteen years before the time of Julius 
Csesar there lived a family by the name of Sprat, 
who have since become famous as economists. In 
that book which gives a detailed account of the 
commissary department of this notable family we 
are told that ^^ Jack Sprat could eat no fat.'' The 
reason is not set forth in said book, for lack of 
space, but is well understood when we know that 
from infancy Jack was of a dyspeptic tendency, 
and the family physician had forbidden the eating 
of fat, as Jack's highly nervous temperament was 
already about all that Joan could stand. Further 
we are told that '^ Joan could eat no lean." The 
reason this long-suffering woman could eat no lean 



27 

is too plain a proposition to need comment — Jack 
ate it all, and left only the fatty portions for his 
wife, and this she cooked so economically that her 
hunger was not appeased until the platter was 
licked clean. 

The historian plainly says: ^^Jack Sprat to 
market went, and bought a fine fat pig ^^ — which is 
conclusive evidence that his home was not far from 
Ukiah, as nowhere else can pigs be found in their 
pristine beauty. 

^' The pig was neither very small nor was it very 
big.'' This shows at once Jack's ability to select a 
pig best suited to his tastes, in which the lean pre- 
dominated. And lastly — '' The bones they cleanly 
picked and gave them to the cat." Is not this a 
truly touching lesson in economy? Behold the 
starving feline struggling for subsistence on the 
cleanly-picked bones, and our minds revert with 
one accord to this notable family as the founders 
of frugality. 

The emblem of this degree is a cleanly-picked 
spare-rib (holds up rib), which should ever remind 



28 

us of the economical Sprat family and the conse- 
quent suffering of their only cat. 

Primus Piloticus, present* this plodding pilgrim 
to our Cenobitic Celestial Censor for intrinsic in- 
struction in silent submission. 

Primus P. Celestial Censor, before you stands 
a poor plodding pilgrim right recently rescued from 
the rapid road of ruin, who anxiously avers albeit 
his dubious and delectable desire to invite immedi- 
ate instruction in hilarious humbleness, as elevat- 
ingly exemplified in the laudable life of mild- 
mannered Mary and her lovely little lamb. 

Celestial Censor. This mild-mannered maid 
was a Missourian, and faithfully fed her father's 
fleecy flocks, finding full freedom in her real rustic 
relations. 

One likely little lamb became absolutely and 
avowedly attached to Mary, and in a ready romp- 
ing racket faithfully followed his friend to school. 
The peevish pugnacious pedagogue at once openly 
ordered this quaint quiet quadruped to git. It was 



29 

then that the lovely little lamb silently showed 
symptoms of stubborness. The gay guileless girl 
put a round rough rope about the nape of his nifty 
neck, and right religiously rustled this small simple 
sheep until she severely squelched his provoking 
propensity to have his own wily willful way. 

And now, patiently plodding pilgrim, will you 
mildly, meekly and modestly follow this facile fad? 

Pilgrim. I will. 

0. C. Do you aver, avow and attest that your 
will may be battered, beaten and broken, and that 
thenceforth you yearn to comply with the concise 
construction pointedly penetrating this obduratic 
obligation? 

Pilgrim. I do. 

CO. The secret sign of this delightful degree 
of silent submission is given with a heptatic halter 
about the necrophagous neck of a confiding candi- 
date — thus {placing noose around neck). Primus 
Piloticus, give an extemporaneous exemplification. 

(P. P. leads pilgrim by halter during the singing 
of ode, R; A. R. calls up lodge,) 



30 

Mary had a little lamb, 

Little lamb, little lamb, 
Mary had a little lamb, 

With fleece as black as smudge. 
When Mary said let's take a walk. 

Take a walk, take a walk, 
When Mary said let's take a walk. 
That lamb he wouldn't budge. 
Bah, Bah, Bah. 

She put a rope around his neck, 

'Round his neck, 'round his neck, 
She put a rope around his neck, 
And drew it up quite tight. 
'Twas then she jerked him to and fro, 

To and fro, to and fro, 
'Twas then she jerked him to and fro, 
And yanked him left and right. 
Bah, Bah, Bah. 

So now when Mary takes a walk, 

Takes a walk, takes a walk, 
So now when Mary takes a walk, 

The lamb is sure to go. 
He says he'd rather tag along. 

Tag along, tag along. 
He says he'd rather tag along. 

Than have his neck pulled so. 
Bah, Bah, Bah. 



31 

Now pilgrim if you'd like to live, 

Like to live, like to live. 
Now pilgrim if you'd like to live, 

And have a happy lot. 
Just follow Mary 'round the hall, 

'Round the hall, 'round the hall. 
Just follow Mary 'round the hall. 
As fast as you can trot. 

{At close of ode music very fast, P. P. runs once 
around hall, leading pilgrim; stops in front 0/ C. C, 
ivho removes rope,) 

C. Censor. Your meaching meekness gives 
ample assurance of your designatory desire to be 
devotedly dutiful. Primus Piloticus, present this 
pilgrim to the Riff-raff Rustlers for further formu- 
las. 

(P. P. and pilgrim stand at head of hall, on the 
left, facing altar. Riff-raff Rustlers all march 
to altar, carrying banners or emblems; settle into place, 
describing square, facing R. A. R., after ivhich march 
singly around altar one and one-half times. When 
No. 1 Riff reaches upper left corner, halt, face pil- 
grim, and recite :) 



32 

No. 1 R. R. 

Your coming here is a good beginning; 

We hope you'll give up drinking and sinning. 

If to reform you find you're not able, 

Let whiskey straight be found on your table. 

{March again until No. 2 reaches same place and 
recites, and so on until all have recited,) 

No. 2R. R. 

Don't think it is manly a big pipe to smoke, 
Nor a quid of tobacco in your mouth poke; 
It may cause contention and family jars, 
So if you must smoke, let it be good cigars. 

No. 3R. R. 

All riots and brawls you had better eschew, 

A man with a black eye is not good to view; 

But— 

If a chum should give you a diflf or a hit. 

Just pound him and pelt him until he cries quit. 

No. 4 R. R. 

The eighth commandment you'd better learn 

pat. 
And steal not your neighbor's umbrella or hat; 
But if you are hungry, and money gone, then 
You might be excused if you took a fat hen. 



33 

{Join right hands across the altar and 7)iarch until 
opposite chairs, March to seats. Pilgrim is then pre- 
sented to ^. A. R.) 

Primus P. Royal Arch Raz-me-taz, this pilgrim 
is now brought to you for instruction, which is ta 
set him on the top round of this lilly-polloor. He 
has been chaffered through perseverance, loquated 
through loyalty, cauterized in grit, pinny-winkled 
through frugality and yanked through the degree 
of submission, and now, in a colly-wobbled, col- 
lapsed condition, awaits your final squelching 
instructions. 

R. A.R. My friend, your successful pilgrimage 
through this labyrinth of virtues entitles you to our 
confidence and some of the secrets of the order. 
The sign of this degree is given with the right 
hand flourishing a carver three times over the 
head, then dropping the hand to the side with a 
circuitous swipe. The answer to the sign is given 
by crossing your heart with a carver held in the 
right hand, looking cross-eyed the while. The 
appropriate color for this degree is black, which 



34 

symbolizes steadfast determination. A drop of ink 
on a cambric handkerchief teaches us that the ver- 
iest trifles make lasting impressions. {Use hand- 
kerchief with large ink spot on it. ) The password for 
to-night is hocus pocus tujeramus. 

The instruction you have received in thrift, loy- 
alty, grit, frugality and humbleness will be found 
of prime importance to the melancholical at-ra-ba- 
la-rian, as they never cut in the eye nor run down 
at the heel. 

There now remains but one more test; if in this 
you prove yourself worthy, the remaining secrets 
will be given you in a whisper. Primus Piloticus, 
present this pilgrim again at our altar — this time 
for purification. (P. P. marches around room until 
altar is prepared.) Sagacious Scout, command our 
subordinates to retire to our sanctuary and bring 
forth the holy flame. 

Sagacious S. By direction of the Royal Arch 
Raz-me-taz, I command Great Scott and Gee Whiz 
to bring forth the holy flame. 



35 

(G. 'S. and G, W., in long black robes, enter with 
kettle of flame carried on pole; TYiarch once around the 
room in front ofF. P. and pilgrim, S. Scout re- 
moves skulls and cross-bones to make room for kettle on 
altar. After P. P. and pilgrim are at altar, all go 
down and form circle, kneeling, point toivard flame 
tvith knives. Pilgrim kneels. Mother Goose holds 
hands above pilgrim in attitude of benediction,) 

Chant. (Air, Villikins and Dinah,) 

One-e-my ury ockery an, 

Higgle-de-piggle-dy frying-pan; 

Hopperty popperty fiddle-de-dee, 

With a tweedle-de-dum and a tweedle-de-dee. 

Mother Goose. { pointing to self ) u {pointing 
to pilgrim) t {to fire) goes {to self) he {striking pil- 
grim), 

(P. P. takes tongs from kettle and places on pil- 
grim^ s ear, groans. Officers return to chairs, P. P.^ 
without being directed, leads pilgrim, to Secunda Raz 
for final instruction,) 

Secunda Eaz. You will now be subjected to 
our flabber-gasted final test, which, if borne with 
fearless and felicitous fortitude, will be positive 



36 

and presumptuous proof that you are worthy to be 
numbered among the faithful facetious followers of 
Hilario Jocundi. (P. P. aiid pilgrim retire to ante- 
room. Immediately after P. P. retires ivith pilgrim 
for finxl test, Mother Goose recites :) 

Mother Goose. 

Old Mother Goose, when she wanted to wander, 
Would ride through the air on a very fine gander; 
But people of late so much stouter are found, 
They think it is safer to ride near the ground. 

The steed of this order has ancestors remote — 
In common lodge parlance we dub him the goat; 
Now bring on the pilgrim, and bring on the steed, 
'Tis the last final test, on that weWe agreed. 

Give him saddle and bridle, halyard and steel. 
With bells on his toes and spurs to his heel; 
And if his equestrian feats are quite good. 
All hail ! the new member of this sisterhood. 

{All rise, with arms in the air, exclaim, All hail! 
Take seats. Assistants enter with pilgrim on goat. 
After his feats are sufficiently enjoyed, must be taken 



37 

from the room, when recitation follows. If no goat is 
used J closing recitation follows the saine^ supposing the 
riding to have taken place outside. P. Piloticus or 
Hodge Podge goes to altar weeping and in great 
distress,) 

R. A. Raz. 

What means, I pray, this mournful mood, 

And why this anguish and distress? 

Hast lover failed at trysting place, 

Or broken troth, and other wed ? 

I vow thy manner moves my soul 

To deep compassion; speak, I pray. 

That we, the gentle sisterhood. 

May write the wrongs of one we love. 

Primus P. 

Most noble sister, well I know 

The generous thought that prompts thy speech 

To one who now in dire distress 

Comes seeking aid for other's woe. 

Have patience, pray, and I'll recite 

The tale, and how it did befall. 

Erstwhile a pilgrim from the world 

Did gain admission to our hall 

And lend a thoughtful, willing ear 

To all the tests and lessons taught. 



38 

And pledge his sacred word and life 
To this ephem'ral sisterhood. 
The final test was bravely won, 
Most nobly he the goat bestrode; 
But ere his foot the stirrup left, 
Or hand its death grip had relaxed, 
A crow from off the postern gate 
Three times did caw wuth rasping voice. 
Before the guard could eyelid wink, 
Or call aloud Jack Robinson, 
The goat, afrighted, sped away 
To province known as Bally-whack, 
Where in his tender youth he nipped 
The early grass in pastures held 
By one Bo Peep, the shepherdess. 
^Tis thus my tale of woe doth end. 

R.A. R. 

Arise, my sisters, and away {all rise). 
The brother rescue ere the dawn; 
For doth it not more pleasure give 
When one who left the fold returns, 
Than ninety-nine who wandered not ? 
Away! away! Make speed ! Away! 



39 

(Primus P. and Sagacious S. lead down either 
side of hall on fast hippity-hop, others follow in order. 
Meet at loiver end of hall, tivo-and-two to altar and 
around it, forming ivheeL All retire,) 

Finis. 



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